The Downward Spiral

i got my plan i got survivalism

…. fuck yes I do

from hell’s heart my stomach stabs at me… pain… lots of it… bad dreams and pain…. I love this

J talked with me on Friday that her and N are getting a divorce.. N told Matt that it was true on Saturday.

I guess I’m more bothered about it then I thought I was going to be … I didn’t really think I’d care at all.. I mean thought I’d see it as a good thing.. but it kinda bugs me.

They did put all the drama aside though at the end.. I think they have let all that go of their anger and see it as an unworkable relationship that no amount of talking will fix… so that’s better than fighting all the time I think… but.. still sucks.

They will both be happier eventually though I think… drama spilling over in to your friendships where people are afraid to talk to you about your home life is more than a little strange… and sticking it out in some false sense of guilt or duty when nothing at all will be gained is also something nice to let go…

… but.. still sucks.. sucks that fairy tales can’t be true.. sucks that all problems can’t be fixed without giving up.  But that’s cold harsh banal reality for ya.

So I hooked up that HDMI to component box and everything was ok until I
fired up something on cable in letterbox format …. the picture wasn’t
in the middle.. and I noticed that on my PS3’s store too.. and it was
off the screen at the top too.. but.. the vertical was messed up before
too… it needed fixing.

so.. after a lot of searching the internet I found how to get to the
WS-* Mitsubishi service technician menus. Then after about an hour or 2 of
fucking with that, came to realize at least what some of the menus did.
Menu 0157 and Menu 0159 .. which I entered ad nausium… all day.

I figured out how to move the screen over and sized it properly. And
then I had to do a reconvergence of all the CRT guns. Oh and there are
at least 4 “levels” of convergence. You set your green gun to the shape
of the picture in coarse and fine levels, and then you set your red and
blue to match the green gun… both corse and fine.. and then somehow
the user level convergence was different looking that the service
level… so… that took all the rest of the day.

What I came to realize was that this was never set right. Or maybe it
got fucked up from moving it… or something. Because the colors now
look really nice… so.. I have it all converged pretty damn well… except
for the very top left corner… it’s not straight.. like something that
draws a line up there in the top inch would be curved pretty noticeably.
I think I know how to fix it.. but.. jesus I’m tired of fucking with it.

In short.. I still need a plasma… and convergence is gay.

Zeus is running from me now… and now I control time itself as the Sisters of Fate met their end by my sword.

That was a totally awesome game…. I think I probably need to play the first one now too.

I’ve been getting this weird feeling…

So .. background.. when I was married I never really used to wear my wedding ring that much… just cuz it was akward feeling.. just cuz it was a ring really and I don’t wear any jewelry at all ever .. no rings, no watches, no necklaces, nothing … and of course I’d only hang out with my friends and their girlfriends.. and they all knew I was married.. so it wasn’t a big deal… at least not to me.. carrying around a sign that said “I am married” would be equally met with a another sign from everyone around saying “ya no shit, we were there”

I thought about getting a chain for it and wearing it that way as necklaces have seemed like the least bothersome thing to wear, but then that’d look weird… so I just didn’t end up wearing it unless we were doing something in which I’d be a good show if I did.

recently though I’ve been noticing that it’s not there… like I freak out for a second in the morning or when washing my hands and wonder “where the hell my ring is”.. and then of course I snap back in to reality… I know exactly where it is… it’s put away.. and safe… along with my high school ring.. both rings now once meant something and now don’t.

kinda sad…

and weird that it would start here recently.. I mean I know that she’s moved on and that’s good I think.  I haven’t, but not from lack of me (half assed:)) trying.. and I still think I did the right thing… and I don’t believe any grand maker of the universe is instilling guilt in me.. and I don’t FEEL guilt.. I just feel “my ring is missing”.. and only  occasionally.. but intensely.. and it’s THAT ring.. _the_ wedding ring.. on that finger… left ring finger.

maybe I’m just nuts.. that would explain a lot

the aacraid driver in the RH EL 3 server kernel

wes hates it

I guess something bad must have happened inside my head last night because I chipped the corner off by bottom front incisor… not the fake one, but the real one :(  fuck.. now I really should go to the dentist.

the best action game I’ve ever played… better than Devil May Cry… better than .. well any other action game I’ve played. It’s ultra violent … and EPIC.. I mean everyone you kill is a BIG DEAL. No mowing down shit loads of small things… all big fights… all multipart ultra death crazy action from HELL… it’s nuts.

In the first friggin level you take out this HUGE titan by using the sword of Zeus.. and then Zeus kills your ass for being so arrogant as to declare yourself the God of War after you defeated Aries in the first one… it goes on from there… ramping up if you can believe it… this game line is seriously amazing. After I finish this one I’ll probably go back and pick up the first one just to pay homage.

I played until I got the game after work until just now… so like 7 hours.. I didn’t feeling like moving at all.. it was that engrossing.

The game can be stuck in wide screen 480p.. it’s beautiful… it’ll probably look even better in 1080i when I get my upscanning receiver tomorrow hehe. The sound is dolby digital 5.1 … the controls are VERY responsive… have half a second to block? No problem.. you’ll block and block often.

The camera slows down in parts like a John Woo movie (or the Matrix if you prefer)… so you do something really cool the game will slow down and show the action.. but it won’t screw you up. There is jumping in the game, but it’s AWESOME… I never thought I’d say that… it’s hard to fuck up and you leap like miles… and FAST… but very accurately.

Also.. when you die.. and you will die… a lot… you start at the closest checkpoint.. which is right before the big fight you just died in .. or maybe half way through if it’s a long fight (and some really are)… so it’s never tedious… the saving is perfection… you blast your way through and are always progressing.

If you have a PS2 or PS3 then go get it now… if you like games at all and you miss then then you are outta your damn mind

and again… gradients are retarded… making my own pictures sucks my ass

this looks a lot better